The old fellow held out his hands that shook Like the leaves of a wind-blown tree, And begged the doctor for relief From his ghastly malady.
The doctor gave him a thorough check, With sure and competent touch; "There's nothing much wrong with you," he said, "Except that you drink too much."
"That's all very well," the old fellow said - "You can blame the grog if you will, But it's not what I drink that's gettin' me down - It's the bloody amount that I spill."
Fishballs; 10:53 PM
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
HILARIOUS POEM (which i did for sec 2 poem reading i think and just found again haha)
A GRAVE SITUATION
When I staggered away from my favourite pub, The night was dark and still, And I thought I'd take a short cut home, That led over Cemetery Hill. Now I'm not a hero as everyone knows, And I have no reckless trends, But ghosts and the like leave me cold, as it were, And spirits and I are old friends.
I wobbled along through the cemetery gates, Begging my legs to behave, And everything went pretty well, so I thought, Till I fell down a newly-dug grave. For a moment I thought I had landed in hell, And ended my earthly career. I sniffed like a hound for the sulphurous fumes, Expecting Old Nick to appear.
But reason returned and I staggered erect, My prison so dark, to survey, And tested my bones for a fracture or two, But everything functioned O.K. I made a feeble attempt to get out, But it needed no more than a glance To tell me that in my condition, I hadn't the ghost of a chance.
I reckoned I'd have a lay-off for awhile, And when I woke sober and fit, I'd surely come up with a first-class idea, That would get me up out of the pit. Just then I could hear fast oncoming steps, That seemed too good to be true, But ere I could 'Coo-ee' or offer advice, In the grave there were suddenly two!
It happened he fell in the grave's other end, With no one to cushion his fall; But he rose like a shot with a high-pitched yelp, And attempted to scale up the wall. This chap was at pains to be up and away, As the capers he cut, plainly told; He jumped and he scrambled and jumped again, But his fingers and toes wouldn't hold.
I hadn't yet spoken - I'd hardly a chance, The way he cavorted about, And I had to admire the way that he fought To sever all ties and get out. Of course, he believed there was nobody near - He thought he was there all alone, And I got the idea it had entered his head That the grave was becoming his own.
I felt a bit sad for the poor little guy, Now acting a little distraught, And I thought he'd relax if I gave him the drum, That he wasn't alone, as he thought. So I walked up behind him and tapped on his back As he paused for another wild bid; ‘You CAN'T make it mate,' I breathed in his ear — But by the Lord Harry, he DID!
I am surprised I havent blogged about it. This has been one of the most amusing happenings in my life to this date.
A conversation between my dad and some cheena person
someone: 您好，这是伟镇的父亲吗？ dad: Yes, what is it that you want? Do you speak English? someone: 您可以讲华语吗？ dad (suspecting that she is a chinese prankcaller): No cannot. What is this about? someone: 啊。我可以跟他的母亲讲话吗？ dad: She's busy
dad hangs up.
It turns out that the chinese prankcaller was actually my chinese teacher niuyi.
Backstory: I hate chinese (You should know that). I dont hand in chinese homework (duh) Niu Yi my chinese teacher hates me (you should know that too)
So inevitably, niu yi was going to call my dad...although I never expected it to turn out so amusingly xD
PART TWO
And, instead of scolding me, my dad started telling me about his junior college days
About how chinese was not compulsory About how chinese was a joke and no one took it seriously About how he told his chinese teacher that he was migrating to America and proceeded to pon all the remaining chinese classes during that year
(Well at least until she spotted him in the canteen and asked him what he was still doing in Singapore)
And he ended off saying that he couldnt scold me cos he would be a hypocrite if he did so HAHA.
It was more fun than acutually saddening and bitchy HAHA. I love my dad for how he understands me xD
PART 3
It seems my mum and dad were more pissed about my failing PHILO grade than my 54 mark chinese grade.
Oh well.
I dont care about both xD
Fishballs; 6:23 PM
Sunday, August 9, 2009
If you havent seen, IT'S A MUST SEE
Fishballs; 7:36 PM
LIZARDS
Well, I dont like them either.
When I went out to eat with my family at some country club, some lizard decided that he got tired of hanging from the ceiling and decided to try and fly.
Instead, he landed on my lap while I was minding my own business, playing handphone games...
So I freaked out and jumped up and knocked the table.
At least I didnt knock it down xD But still quite freaky haha.
But I dont like lizards. Unless lizards decide to undergo evolution and start eating ants! But if not, no, i dont like lizards either.
Fishballs; 6:00 PM
Monday, August 3, 2009
IM GOING TO REVIVE MY BLOG. Somehow.
It's so strange that simple creatures can spur me to blog.
So yeah.
I'm going to talk about ants.
First and foremost, I would like to clarify that this post wont become like those cheesy and stupid chinese comprehension passages which glorify ants and their hardworking spirit and whatnot.
Cos I HATE ANTS.
I honestly think these ants either like eating table wood, my books, or simply enjoy dying. Because although there is no food in my room AT ALL, they still persist in bugging me by crawling around, crawling on me and turing up in the most unexpected locations.
But worst of all, is that these BLACK ANTS bite.
I honestly never knew black ants can bite. Of cos, it might be an attempt by red ants to disguise themeselves to cause pain or something. But it's more irritating then actually painful.
BUT, being the masochistic person that I am, I decided to let an ant bite me and just examine it as it bites me.
How it "bites" is actually quite scary. For some strange reason, it doesnt seem to just be chewing on my skin or smth. Or using it's claws and pinching me.
NO. FROM WHAT I SAW, IT WAS TRYING TO BURY ITS HEAD IN MY SKIN.
Now Im afraid that I have ant goodness knows what in my skin. Urgh. And after Mr Laws presentation on parasites, I think I feel slightly nauseous to say the least.
